Confession Time..

I have a horrible, dirty little secret.

2020, for me, for us..it... it... didn’t totally suck.

We took our family to see two oceans. We reconnected with old friends. We ignited lifelong friendships with those who felt “new” to our lives, and let go of what wasn’t what we thought it was.

I ugly cried in my van, I took advantage of free hospital parking, and I watched my parents go through their worst year as I struggled to come to terms with mine.

Like everyone else we’ve missed out. There’s been opportunities missed out on, memories missed and milestones celebrated differently.

There’s also been opportunities had, memories made, and new milestones forged in the midst.

While I recognize the privilege we’ve had to keep our jobs, I also recognize the first responders I work alongside who have worked tirelessly, thanklessly, and anonymously throughout all these months. While existential critics cried to defund the police, I answered phone calls and watched officers- my friends- rush to more deaths and mental health calls than ever before. There was no one at the detachment asking to help gear up for the Covid deaths, or to help untangle the calls for service from those suffering from what they couldn’t explain. Take the uniform off and seamlessly transition into everyday life??

I have watched 2020 brew divineness like a weed and gardened my way back home.

My 2020 New Year’s Resolution was to focus on what was best for the five of us. I had no idea how multiplied and telescoped that would prove to be. The bad- what we needed to let go of, what we needed to work on, bust mostly the good.

So. Much. Good.

We saw it every day.

We embraced it.

That’s my secret.

While I eagerly anticipate 2021, 2020 didn’t suck for us. It wasn’t great, but it was full of lessons and potential I cannot wait to put into action in 2021, and way, way further than that.

2020 was a dumpster fire.

Full. Stop.

But it wasn’t that there weren’t parts that warmed us, or stopped us in our tracks as we rescued it from the fire. Or- the parts we tossed a little accelerant on like a good prairie kid to really make sure it went away.

January 1st isn’t going to immediately exalt the sins of its predecessor.

What it has done has made us aware of how many truly shitty things can befall one calendar year, and how little control we really have.

We control nothing.

Except Netflix. And in 2020, we overwhelmingly chose Tiger King.

I’m not mad. I’m just saying.